ambrose Bierce

“A bore is a person who talks when you want him to listen.”

“A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.”

“A specialist is one who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.”

“All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.”

“Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.”

“CIRCUS, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.” (The Devil’s Dictionary, 1911)

“Corporation:  An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.”

“Cynic:  n.  a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.”

“Diplomacy--the patriotic art of lying for one's country.”

“History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.”

“Patience--a minor form of despair disguised as virtue.”

“Patriotism is as fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone, and irrational as a headless hen.”

“Quoting:  The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”

“RESPONSIBILITY, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor.  In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.”  [The Devil's Dictionary]

“Saint:  A dead sinner revised and edited.”

“The covers of this book are too far apart.”

“To the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name knowledge.”