Will Rogers

“A diplomat and a stage magician are the two professions that have a high silk hat. All the tricks that either one of them have are in the hat, and are all known to other diplomats and magicians.”

“Democracy is a form of government you have to keep for four years no matter what it does.”

“Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggy' until you can find a rock.”

“Diplomats are just as essential in starting a war as soldiers are in finishing it.”

“Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.”

“Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.”

“I belong to no organized political party--I am a Democrat.”

“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”

“I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.”

“I would rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.”

“In a real estate man's eye, the most exclusive part of the city is wherever he has a house to sell.”

“It's kinder funny, but no matter how common our blood is, we hate to lose any of it.”

“Invest in inflation. It is the only thing going up.”

“Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.”

“Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.”

“My folks didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.”

“Never let yesterday use up too much of today.”

“People want just taxes more than they want lower taxes. They want to know that every man is paying his proportionate share according to his wealth.”

“The business of government is to keep the government out of business--that is, unless business needs government aid.”

“The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.”

“The minute you read something you can't understand, you can almost be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer.”

“The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.”

“There ain’t nothing but one word wrong with every one of us, and that’s selfishness.” 

“There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”

“We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.”

“We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.”

“We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.”

“What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.”

“You can roam all over the world, but after all, it’s what the people at home think of you that really counts.” 

“You can't say that civilization don't advance, for in every war they kill you in a new way.”